The Wait: The Power of Preference

Let me start by saying, the list does exist. You know, that list that guys assume exist but are never completely sure of. Or at least, they're not sure of where they fall on that list or if they fall on the list at all. The list that girls begin to make the minute they decide that boys no longer have cooties.

The list is a compilation of character traits, physical preferences, mindsets, and accomplishments that we expect our potential mate to possess. For the women that never created that list, congratulations. Either you're easy to please, simple, or extremely flexible, and I mean that in the most respectful way.

I must admit, this particular post was largely influenced by the most recent episode of Insecure (Hella Shook), and more specifically Yvonne Orji's TED Talk ( https://youtu.be/8zw7AXwnb8M ). Orji's character, Molly, in the show is very different from her real life but her values do translate into them both, and they feel so similar to those of mine.

When I was way younger I decided that I would be married at 25 (I'm 24 and single by the way) and traveling the world with my best friend, my husband. Although as time I went on, I was well aware that 25 and married would not be my story, I held on to my list because even if I could not have him when I wanted, he would still be the way I wanted him to be. Now, there is a small amount of friends that know about what is on my list and very seldom do I run into guys that have all the traits on my list, that being said, my friends have mentioned that I should make my list more...

accommodating?

The suggestion for me to alter my list was not even the shocking part, the fact that I even considered was what surprised me, and it's even more surprising as I think about it now.

My main thought was, if I don't make accommodations then how will I get married, it took me a long time to realize that life is about so much more. Life its about knowing yourself and loving yourself for that matter. It's about dreams and accomplishing and yes it's about loving someone else but that does not mean adjusting or settling to make space for less because you think you will miss out on love.

With all that being said, it is important to fall for someone because you genuinely appreciate who they are as a person, rather than because they fit perfectly into your list. Do what feels good, not what looks good on paper.