Views From the Side: The Art of Being a Side Nigga

The world we live in has evolved, we live in a time where we say one thing and do another, or we critique someone without realizing that we are hypocrites in doing so. One thing that almost every woman wants to argue is that men are dogs and cheaters without ever acknowledging the fact that we, as women, sometimes do the same thing. I am not saying that all women or all men cheat but we are all human and we live our lives as we choose, and some of us possess traits that others don't, specifically cheating. Just like a man can have a woman or women on the side, a woman can have men on the side. I recently sat down with one of these men on the side (who would prefer to remain anonymous), also known as, "side niggas", and had a quick q&a session.

K: When did you first realize you were the "side nigga"?

A: It's actually a really fucked up story. One day I'm just chilling and decide to look at Facebook and a post from her just happens to pop up, relationship status, and I'm like, yo, hold on. So I text her and get no response, alright, so I text her again "I have a question", and she's like oh whats up; she replies to this bullshit, you see that. I ask her, you have a boyfriend now? and she's like, yeah, I've been meaning to tell you that . At this point I'm just like, what the fuck? What! You know, nobody ever just expects to be a side dude that quickly. It makes no sense, like damn thats really fucked up but she never stopped fucking with me so I'm just like, alright whatever. So old dude; he's doing his thing and I'm doing my thing. My whole purpose at that point was just fucking, there was no more relationship, no more oh, we're gonna do this or go out and do that, no. Every time she called me, every time she came over it was the same thing. Its just, head, fuck, head, fuck, just fucking. Then she'd leave and go back to him and do whatever they did, but that wasn't my business.

K: What's it like being the "side nigga"? The good, bad, ups and downs.

A: I mean, the best part about it is, its really just fucking. Thats the whole point. You're not looking for love, you're not looking for a relationship. She has her nigga, you know, she goes to him for all the soft shit and you're just there to fuck.

K: If a woman is already in a relationship, why exactly would she need a side nigga?

A: Alright, nobody needs a side nigga, nobody needs a side anything. First of all, theres different types of side niggas. Theres the one thats really just trying to fuck the girl, period. He doesn't care if she's in a relationship or not. Theres the one who unknowingly becomes a side, they're talking and things get a little serious and it leads to sex and he ends up finding out that he's the side nigga.

K: So which one were you? Were you the one that went in knowing, "oh, I'm the side nigga", or the one that was caught off guard?

A: Both, I'm talking to ol girl and later on she just falls off a little bit, then I find out out from Facebook that she has a boyfriend but she just kept coming back.

K: So after that, you were permanently the side nigga in her relationship?

A: I was the nigga you call when you want your shit rearranged.

K: When a girl is in search of a side nigga, what traits should she look for and which ones should she avoid?

A: Oh, thats easy. Alright, when a girls looking for a side nigga they're really just looking for a nigga that they like but they're already in a relationship so they can't really talk to him right now. The ones that you should avoid, are the ones that don't know their place. As in, you've already let him know that you're talking to someone and its a little serious and try to give him hints that you're not trying to move that fast and he wants to FaceTime you out of the blue. Like, you're with your nigga, he gotta chill.

K: In your time being a side, what is the closest you've come to being found out? Have you ever been close to being found out, I guess would be the better question.

A: Oh no, theres rules to this shit. See the only reason that girls get found out is when the nigga starts to get to be too much. They start double texting, start doing all this extra shit that makes it easier to get found out. Like all the commenting on social media, like you're her friend that she just fuck occasionally, you feel me. So be that, you were chilling before you were fucking so you can chill now. When side niggas are able to accept that, thats when its good. Now, when a nigga starts catching feelings, thats when shit starts going south. That why you have to let him know. If you're just there to fuck you gotta let that nigga know that you're just gonna fuck and leave. Don't expect him to know that you're just gonna fuck and leave cause niggas are selfish. Men in general are selfish, they feel that, oh, I want it when I want it and if she don't want it when I want it then theres a problem so I'm gonna make sure, you know, maybe if I put in a little more effort maybe she'll see it my way. Communication is key.

K: So, with that being said, how does a girl let a guy know that he's just a side? Like, we're just doing what we do.

A: Just come out right. You have the sneaky girls that are just like; oh, we're just going slow, I just text you when I feel like it. Then theres the real girls that know exactly what they want and they'll tell you straight up. There are girls out there that will accept FaceTime calls from their boyfriend while that dude is in there and hang up and the side nigga is there and he's just surprised. Like; oh you're just gonna do that while I'm right here, but she'll tell him straight up, you don't matter. You have to imagine, if this was a guy and his side chick he would be doing the exact same thing. You know, you can't really be mad at them. This is just girls doing their thing. Sometimes your main guy may be giving you all the love, and attention, and affection but he can't fuck you like you want him to.

K: As a side nigga, if there was anything you could change, what would it be?

A: I'm not gonna lie. I've been the side dude and we were talking for a minute before I found out. And that was the first time I became like a legit side nigga. I just had to pick myself up and and say fuck it, then the tables kind of turned as soon as she found out and started getting jealous of what I was doing. You gotta chill, you have your nigga. She saw the fountain was going dry, she gotta find it somewhere else. So they way they feel when I decide oh its time for me to go. Once people catch feelings, thats what need to be avoided. She has to really know she's just in it for sex or thats the risk she takes. Heres my thing, the perfect side relationship is when y'all can really just be fucking. Like y'all can just be chilling here and you're like damn lets fuck and afterwards y'all can just go back to eating pizza or whatever. Y'all see each other in public and y'all can be friendly without being flirtatious.

K: Whats the best advice you can give to the side niggas out there?

A: Stop being bitches. You gotta know that you're the side nigga, there are certain rules that you have to follow. First of all, you're not her nigga, you don't get certain liberties like asking her where she been. I mean, you can ask her about her day or what she doing or whatever but if she doesn't text back you can't just catch an attitude. Now if you don't know you're the side nigga and you're just like a dude she's texting then you're just a dude she's texting. When she actually gives you the okay that you're dating, thats when you can start tripping, otherwise she's only calling you for dick. Beat down the walls, make her eyes roll back and be out. Thats all she wants.